Top 10 Reasons Why I Will NOT Join Facebook

blog stuff, For Laughs, Pop Culture

From the second floor of our house, I was yelling for The Spouse to come and help me with something.  No response.  I called again.  In answer, The Youngest came trotting up the stairs and said, "Dad can't come right now.  He's looking at his face."  Facebook that is.

Awhile back, The Spouse advised me in all seriousness that I should not join Facebook because I would become addicted.  Well, guess who needs Facebook rehab now?

And apparently he is not alone because Facebook has caught on with "older" adults.  Check out this hilarious article from Time magazine

But I am still resisting the temptation to join.  Here are my Top 10 reasons.

1.  One Facebook-obsessed adult (and Teenager!) in the family is enough.

Nothing would get done otherwise.  There would be no face to face conversations.  Just "chats".  I kid you not.  The other day, The Teenager was on the upstairs computer, and The Spouse was on his laptop downstairs.  They were chatting via Facebook, despite the fact that they were physically about 10 feet away from each other.

 2.  Why join when I can read The Spouse's stuff?

I facebook vicariously.  Yes, I admit it.  I am an enabler.  After all, when your spouse opens up his laptop in bed, how can you resist sidling up to him, peering over his shoulder, and reading what is causing him to laugh like a hyena? What's weird is that I don't even know most of the people, and yet I cannot fight the voyeuristic allure that Facebook holds.

 3.  Use of the word "friend" as a verb bugs me.

As in, "I just got friended by Joe Smith" or  "I sent a request to Jane Smith to friend me".  On the other hand, I am almost equally bugged by the use of the correct verb, as in "I was befriended by Jane Smith."  So, I guess there's just no making me happy on this point.

4.  I already have a blog (2 actually).

I am convinced that Facebook is actually for people who want to blog but who want to avoid the general public spotlight.  Looking at some of The Spouse's friends posts, there is political commentary, links to scientific/news articles, and even poetry worthy of use on e-harmony.  So Facebook essentially lets you blog to your friends, who because they are your friends will tell you how terrific/witty/funny you are rather than telling you that you are inane and don't know what you're talking about.  Or maybe they will, depending on how honest your friends are.

(BTW, I just started a new blog on called Pizazz.   I'm going to try and keep the content different, so I hope you'll visit my other blog too.)

5. Too much pressure to create an interesting "status". 

Facebook has a feature called "status," that is used to inform your friends of what you are doing at any given time.  Die-hard facebookers will update their statuses several times a day.  Of course, most people try to post something funny or unusual because even your friends are really not that interested in the fact that you had a ham sandwich for lunch.  The Spouse tends to update his status about 2 or 3 times a day.  When he is hurting for material, he steals my lines.  For example, a recent status for him: "My wife is telling me that 'friend' is not a verb."

I already have enough trouble trying to come up with witty/interesting topics for this blog.

6. Rejection 

What if I send a friend request and it gets declined or ignored?  Then, I'll just feel stupid.

7. I'm already "connected."

As a former law school professor once said to our first-year law school class, "I don't need any friends.  I have enough."  Maybe, I'm an unusual case, but I've kept in fairly close contact with a fair number of my high school/college/law school friends.

8.  I'm not happy with any of my current pictures.

If I ever made the move to join, I'd have to find a current picture that I'm satisfied with.  As I take a lot of the pictures in my family, there are very few photos that have me in them, let alone one that has me solo.  Also, I don't want anybody looking at a mediocre picture of me and saying, "Well, she looked better in high school/college" because you know that's what people do.  I was looking at some pictures of a guy in my husband's class.  It was a striking black and white head shot.  When I commented on it, the Spouse said, "Oh, he used to do some modeling."  Then, I looked at a picture of one of my hubbie's best friends, and I swear he had it professionally done because he looked like something out of a J. Crew catalog -- not that he looks bad normally, I'm just saying.

9.  Do not want to be accused of being a "Facebook Floozy."

This is what happens when you "friend" everyone, even when you barely remember him or her. 

10. Do not want to engage in friend contest with uber-competitive spouse. 

This happened with a few years ago.  My high school class was using it to organize our 20-year reunion.  So, using the free features, I could see how many people "visited" the profile I created.  Well, then The Spouse joined too and was constantly asking how many visits I had.  I outpaced him for awhile, but then suddenly, his numbers started to double, at which point he started to lord it over me.  I later found out that he actually paid in order to use otherwise unavailable features, like photo posting, which drew more people to his profile -- WHICH WAS A BLATANT CASE OF CHEATING.

 My friends who are on Facebook tell me that resistance is futile.  So, in the future, I reserve the right to delete this blog at any time.

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